My Journey of Transformation and Healing

Transformation
One thing that has slowed me down in moving forward in certain areas of my life has been my own personal healing journey. I was chronically exposed to toxic mold and then had a significant acute exposure on top of that. That has made healing in all areas of my life challenging.  

Health and healing are made up of so many different things and they all interact with and affect each other. My journey has had its ups and its downs. As all our journeys do. I thought I’d begin sharing my own journey to demonstrate that we all have challenges and that each of our journeys are so personal and unique.....and that healing always happens. Just not in our own time frame sometimes. 

My health has been good overall, according to doctors and the medical profession. The things that plagued me the majority of my life were not definable diagnoses, just inconvenient blips on my radar, according to them. They prevented me from living my life to the fullest, but because I was successful, no one really cared. It was not on the doctor’s radar unless he could tag a diagnosis with it. But it was on my radar and often made me feel less than optimal and function less than I could normally. 

So what was wrong with me?  Well, as a preteen, I began to have headaches. The kind that interfered with your life and that you had to lie down for. I remember taking Tylenol all the time for them and never really feeling better. In my early teens, I began to have cravings and gained quite a bit of weight my freshman year, which I was able to lose the following summer through self taught yoga and ballet and using art and reading. Part of the weight gain was psychological ~ I was using food to comfort myself ~ and the other part, as I look back on it, was physiological.

As an older teen, I had exhaustion that was overwhelming at times. I always felt tired. I felt cloudy in the head, but no one paid attention because I was at the top of my class. When my mom brought me to the doctor's, he thought I could be pregnant. That in itself was a trauma to my Catholic values and beliefs! I had other bothersome symptoms with brain and my gut, but again, no diagnoses.

In college, I still had exhaustion, but the hustle and bustle of classes, activities and all the new experiences kept me distracted. I frequently had sore throats which led me to the nurse’s office on a regular basis for a strep test, which never came back positive, though my throat was always swollen and red. I still had the fogginess in my head which made it hard to think straight and focus at times. Yet I still performed well and no one, other than me, was concerned.

When I graduated with my nursing degree, I was told I had to receive the new Hepatitis B vaccine. I didn’t seroconvert (develop antibodies) after the first round, so I had to receive a second round. I still never seroconverted, so they gave me one more round and said I’d probably never develop Hepatitis B since I wasn’t developing antibodies to the vaccine. But then I started developing sinus infections. I developed night sweats. I tested negative for all the autoimmune diseases and TB, so no one was concerned. Except me. I developed a period of high blood pressure (average 156/106) and was monitored closely on the unit I worked on. I eliminated salt (I read labels fanatically) and within a period of time, it went back down to normal. Eliminating the salt in my processed food (I took frozen "healthy" meals to work with me for lunches) was enough to make a difference.

Periodically, I’d get tension migraine headaches and eventually they got to the severity that caused me to miss work periodically. The fogginess, forgetfulness and lack of focus continued to worsen. The exhaustion was intense at times. Increasing my sleep caused me to be more tired, so I began to think I didn't need more sleep. I didn't understand about adrenal fatigue and that when my adrenals finally turned off (when I got more rest), I'd be more tired until I could actually give them a complete rest and let my body reset. No one really had an answer for these symptoms and since I was able to work and be productive and successful, it wasn’t a concern for anyone but me.

Then I became pregnant with my sweet son. My old symptoms worsened, especially the headaches. And I developed new symptoms. The exhaustion was unbelievable since I had a sweet boy who was extremely sensitive to every sound and situation. I eliminated wheat (gluten), corn and dairy when he was 6 months old to help with this. It did help him, but what was more remarkable was that when I finally got off of gluten (the Italian in me had a real hard time with the pasta and bread, let alone the hidden sources of gluten), my stomach issues mysteriously went away. I realized that gas and inconsistent bowel habits were not a normal part of life. My stomach flattened ~ the bloating went away. And what was most amazing was that one morning, weeks or months later, I woke up and had a clarity in my head that I couldn’t remember since I was a young child. I had gone to the pantry that morning and it suddenly felt like I was outside looking at the sun rather than seeing the sun through a clouded window. It felt like a veil was lifted from my face. The brain fog was gone.

When my boy was 2, my mom asked me to read The Maker’s Diet by Jordan Rubin. I thought it was a hokey title to lure you in and catch you, but after scanning the table of contents and perusing the beginnings of a few chapters, I realized that this was no ordinary book and I wanted to read it. I devoured it in a day. The chapter titled “Life and Death in the Long Hollow Tube” was about the gut and it sealed the deal for me.  I had taught pathophysiology and pharmacology at the undergraduate level and everything I ever had questions about was answered in that chapter.

I completely changed the way I ate. I thought I had been eating healthy because I was following the American Heart Association diet, but I was wrong. I changed my fats and increased the good saturated and omega 3 fats. I made bone broth and soaked grains, beans and nuts. I added fermented foods that I now made. I made raw milk kefir and bought grass fed meat. I eliminated all sugar. I felt great! My son was thriving. I had been making him homemade baby food, but now cut out the gluten free porridges and pastas and focused on meats and veggies. 

Then, when he was around 4, he began to get sick often. So did I. Mostly respiratory issues with high fevers. I had chills and at times couldn’t get warm enough. I began to develop the night sweats again, which I had when I was worked up for autoimmune diseases. I even had a 105.5 fever at one point (probably higher since I took the thermometer out of my mouth because I was terrified at what it could be). Weight began to creep up on me a few years later. I gained weight no matter what I ate or didn’t eat. No matter how much I was active or not. My skin was rough and blotchy. I discovered mold on the window sills and this concerned me, but no one paid attention to me. I tried to convince the builder and others that this was not normal. Finally, the wood began to turn black. Spots weeped. A few sills began to rot. Mold was killing us.

Long story short, I tried to turn a losing situation around, but it didn't work. I had not one supporting me, emotionally or physically. My son and I are out of there and are now in our own, mold-free place and it is time to heal. I am starting with rebalancing my gut. I’m making kombucha again and starting on my kefir and other fermented foods. A major issue I need to resolve is that I need to remove the metal from my mouth and heal from the mold. I need to heal my liver. I need to heal my son. He’s a strong boy and my challenge is to make him understand that he really CAN feel and perform even better.

More layers of the story will come out. But I want to encourage you. Be strong. Continue despite setbacks. When you don’t heal as you expected, it just means there is some other piece to the puzzle that is missing. And remember, your mind, your body and your heart are all connected. They all affect one another. In the near future, I’ll discuss in more detail the effects that your mind and your spirit have on your entire well being. It can be significant.

Best wishes on your healing journey and join me in one of the upcoming 14-Day Take OWNERSHIP Real Food and Wellness Coaching and Cleanse programs.  There are several coming up to help you make real and sustainable lifestyle changes and not just live with broken resolutions.  Hope to see you there!!
In Health and Healing!

---